Deep thoughts uncovered
I´m sitting here in a small home office just off the beach in Miami Platja, Spain; It´s thundering and lightening outside; the internet has cut off; I´m tired; I´m drinking rum and coke; drum and bass is playing loud; I´ve just consumed a whole chocolate bunny proving I still have a strong chocolate addiction; and I´ve had a day of ups and downs emotionally.
Not another typical blog post…
I personally think – although other people such as my mum would disagree – that my blog posts are becoming a bit monotonous. I´m going to keep changing the way I write. I like change, what can I say. Today, I´m going to write a very personal blog post. I´ve chosen to share it with you because I am open, I always have been, and I always will be.
From reading previous posts, you may think that I live everyday in total happiness, this is simply not true. What is true is that I am having what people commonly say as “the time of my life”, but that doesn´t necessarily mean I´m having a great time everyday – I have bad times, but without bad times, I would never truly appreciate the good times. When I have bad times I feel like I can´t think clearly; I feel numb of emotion; I don´t really feel like doing anything; or talking to anyone, slight depression perhaps, but not strong enough to control me because I always see when I´m falling, and I always do something about it – something positive. I´m writing this post not for sympathy but for answers. Does everyone feel like this from time to time? What´s the difference between depression and having a “down day”? My inner happiness seems to be on a roller coaster, unstable to be more precise.
I´ve thought about what could be contributing to such unstability, and can only think of a mixture of health problems, and other people´s happiness around me. I have a back injury at the moment which I´ve had for nearly 6 weeks. It´s on the upper left side of my back where I´m experiencing numbness – sometimes combined with pain. I stopped physical work 3 weeks ago, after 2 weeks it was feeling a bit better, and then I lifted something again last week causing the numbness to come back. I´ve been the doctor who wasn´t very helpful, and I´ve researched the hell out of it on Google – probably not wise giving the amount of terrible advice/information floating around on the Internet. I´ve been doing scapular wall slides, and started training my back with light weights along with abdominal exercises. I´m really hoping I fully recover as it´s on my mind all the time, probably the primary cause of unhappiness.
The secondary cause I think is the people around me. I believe being around happy people, or no people at all, really helps maintain stability of happiness. At the moment, there is pain all around me, both physical, and emotional pain. I am always there for people who suffer emotional pain, even if I can´t relate personally to their problems, I always try to give sensible advice. At the moment, with my own injury I am restricted from helping the people suffering physical pain – this frustrates me, but I know I need to be in good health before I can help others. I´ve also noticed I´ve started to become a bit of a hypercondriact. I am worrying about health problems too much – thinking the worst at all times. I´m positively acting on my health problems, and soon when I´m recovered I will be able to help others more actively. Let´s hope my health problems aren´t as bad as I think and I have a speedy recovery.
The things I miss and the things I don´t miss…
I´ve been travelling for 5 months now; and I´ve experienced a lot of different lifestyles, personalities, and emotions. All these things have contributed to this list of things I miss and don´t miss about my life back at home.
Things I miss
- My mother – my friend, the fun times we always have together.
- My bro Jay, and stealing all his things
- Partying very hard to drum and bass/dubstep/progressive house
- Making DJ mixes in my room on my turntables
- My job as a Web Developer
- My cute little cat Miow
- Going fishing with my friend Kerwin
- Random conversations with my friend Chris
- Playing sport
- Fish and chips with curry sauce
Things I don´t miss
- Stress – something which started happening too often
- The routine of a 9-5 job.
- Having too many material possessions.
- Spending too much time on the computer – something I´m doing right now
Experiences while travelling…
Travelling gives you a big opportunity to try new things, here is a list of things I´ve been lucky enough to experience on my travels through France and Spain.
- Tasting traditional French and Spanish food from excellent cooks
- The ability to speak basic French but not understand the people
- Skiing in the snowy peaks of Saint-Lary
- Horse riding in the foothills of the Pyrenees
- Back to basic living in a straw bale house
- Listen to traditional/new French and Spanish music
- Watching F.C Barcelona beat Valencia 5-1
- Hiking in the rocky mountains of Sierra de Llaberia
- Meeting lots of new people all the time, hate some, love some
- Gaining the focus to write some lyrics for music, and write various rhymes.
Going to bed…
I hope everyone is doing okay in life, and that you are all striving for internal happiness. Until next time, peace and love, Jonathan x